RINGS

subliminal-secret-movie-message-the-ring1

{cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls} 

It’s been 12 years since The Ring 2 (TWELVE?!?! YEARS?!?!) so I suppose it was about time for Samara and her f’ed up psychic video feed to resurface, because we need something other than reality to terrify us in 2017 – amirite?

Terrify isn’t exactly the word I would use here, but Rings does have its moments — I just wish its moments had been closer together in say, a tighter 60 minute package instead of a looooooooong and slowly drawn out 1 hour and 45 minute one.

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by Amie on February 3, 2017  •  Permalink
Posted in Not So Awesome Splattery Things
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Posted by Amie on February 3, 2017

https://ilovesplatter.com/2017/02/03/rings/

Phantasm: Ravager – Reggie the ice cream man does not mess around

reg

{Cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls}

“I could really go for a Rocket Pop right now”

So begins the saga of Reggie in Phantasm: Ravager, the fifth — and apparently final — installment of the Phantasm universe. The pony-tailed ice cream truck driver has been on a journey to defeat The Tall Man and save his friends from otherworldly possession and freaky rabid Jawas (aka: Lurkers) since 1979, alternately kicking-ass, singing songs, and hooking up with random chicks while driving a sweet 1971 Hemi ‘Cuda.

In Ravager, Reg enters the scene wandering through the dessert in his dirty, torn, and familiar white ice cream man uniform wielding a custom-made shotgun. He’s in search of BFFs Mike & Jody, and also trying to find out who the hell had the balls to steal his car from its hiding place. Luckily, he finds it just as those flying killer spheres show up to cause him all kinds of trouble. But that’s just the beginning … Read the full post »

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by Amie on October 14, 2016  •  Permalink
Posted in Awesome Splattery Things, Splatteriffic Reviews
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Posted by Amie on October 14, 2016

https://ilovesplatter.com/2016/10/14/phantasm-ravager-review/

The Neon Demon

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{cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls} 

“I know how I look. What’s wrong with that?”

Last night I finally go to see Nicolas Winding Refn’s epic shock porn horror art piece, The Neon Demon, which many of the people at Cannes deemed as “trash,” and walked out of. A few people in the theater with me last night for the preview screening also walked out — however, I thought Refn’s film was pretty brilliant both visually and in its hilarious skewering of a problematic industry I’ve never been able to understand or embrace.

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by Amie on June 24, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Amie on June 24, 2016

https://ilovesplatter.com/2016/06/24/the-neon-demon/

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

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“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”

I’m happy to report that the insanity that is Seth Grahame-Smith’s Jane Austen-zombie genre mash-up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies translates way better to film then Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter { … < insert snoring sound here}.

Set in an alternate universe where a zombie plague has infected Regency-era England, PPZopens with a fantastic introduction to Mr. Darcy (Sam Riley) via his method of detecting the zombification process: a vial of flies.

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by Amie on March 21, 2016  •  Permalink
Posted in Uncategorized

Posted by Amie on March 21, 2016

https://ilovesplatter.com/2016/03/21/pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies/

The Funhouse Massacre

DSC_3008{cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls}

“It’s not like the Funhouse is creepily positioned in the middle of nowhere with only a broken-down asylum nearby, haunted by the ghosts of its dead, deranged inmates …what’s there to be afraid of? Come on!”

Except it’s totally like that. The Funhouse Massacre unleashes a posse of the most dangerous serial killers on the local haunted funhouse on Halloween night, supplying each of the murderers with an almost unlimited supply of victims—most of whom believe they’re just watching “part of the show.” Read the full post »

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by Amie on November 17, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in Awesome Splattery Things, Splatteriffic Reviews
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Posted by Amie on November 17, 2015

https://ilovesplatter.com/2015/11/17/the-funhouse-massacre/

IT FOLLOWS

Maika Monroe in IT FOLLOWS

{Cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls}

“It’s slow, but it’s not dumb.” ~ Hugh, IT FOLLOWS

Imagine going on a date with someone you really, really like, enjoying a romantic lakeside talk, cozying up in the car for some hot sex—then having that person drag you out into the middle of nowhere, tie you to a chair, and explain that by having sex they’ve infected you with something that will FOLLOW you. And you have to keep running from it, because it won’t stop until it catches up to you and kills you. Read the full post »

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by Amie on March 20, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in Splatteriffic Reviews, Uncategorized
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Posted by Amie on March 20, 2015

https://ilovesplatter.com/2015/03/20/it-follows/

TUSK

1297588852068_ORIGINAL{cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls}

A horror movie from Kevin Smith? Based on one of his smodcasts? About a guy who lures unsuspecting victims to his home in order to turn them into … walruses?

Yup. Tusk is all of those things. And while the premise IS ridiculous, the first two-thirds are actually pretty terrifying, and then it all falls apart thanks to a cameo by a high-profile star who really, really, really loves to wear fake noses and adopt funny accents.

At the start, we meet podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long). Wallace is kind of a douche; his “Not-see Party” podcasts are built around making fun of unfortunate souls on the internet—like a boy who cuts his own leg off with a sword—in which he travels to meet them in person and then comes back home, describing his adventures to his podcasting buddy, Teddy Craft (Haley Joel Osment). Read the full post »

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by Amie on September 18, 2014  •  Permalink
Posted in Splatteriffic Reviews
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Posted by Amie on September 18, 2014

https://ilovesplatter.com/2014/09/18/tusk/

Junk Bonds: The Return of Junk Bucket

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This is one of those rare instances where I’ve seen a sequel *before* I’ve seen the original, but in the case of this splatter-filled horror comedy, I think it’s fine. I’ll eventually get around to watching Stephen Lange’s first feature: Junkbucket—and based on its sequel: Junk Bonds: The Return of Junk Bunket, I’m sure I’ll like it just as much!

Writer and Director Lange uses his horror knowledge to drop some great tributes to classic splatter flicks, making this 2013 film feel like something that could have been made in the 70s or 80s … and I mean that in the most flattering way possible.

The story for Junk Bonds closely resembles 1974’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only instead of Leatherface, the Big Bad is Junkbucket: a man who’s got his own “junk” sewn to his face instead of a regular nose, wears his victim’s faces stretched over a bucket, and whose weapon of choice is a phallic axe/club combo. Read the full post »

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by Amie on July 18, 2014  •  Permalink
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Posted by Amie on July 18, 2014

https://ilovesplatter.com/2014/07/18/junk-bonds-the-return-of-junk-bucket/

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days …. Ish

Maximum overdrive

So much for getting this all wrapped up last October! Excuses are lame, so I’m not going to make them. Instead, how about I finish what I started by giving you the scoop on the rest of the Stephen King adaptations I’ve seen.

{side note: even though I LOVE The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, Stand by Me, and Dolores Claiborne, I don’t really consider them horror so I didn’t include them in this list}

1408
I really wanted to like this one, because John Cusack! And Samuel L. Jackson! And a creepy haunted hotel! But unnnnnnnggggggh….I hated it. The special F/X were pretty boss, but the plot is a mess, the acting is just plain NOT good, and the chosen ending (out of several alternatives) was pretty fucking awful. I know there are a ton of people who love it, though…maybe they appreciate it as over-the-top entertainment? So while I’d say SKIP IT, I don’t know, you guys. You might like it.

Apt Pupil
It’s been awhile since I watched this one, but I remember being really impressed with how the story was translated on screen. Ian Mckellan is postivitely terrifying as Kurt Dussander, and Brad Renfro (poor Brad Renfro!) is equally so as his student? Admirer? Hater? Who knows. This is one of the stories that I was really into when I was a kid, so a lot of the nostalgia I have about Different Seasons is probably leaking over to my love of this adaptation. Read the full post »

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by Amie on July 17, 2014  •  Permalink
Posted in 31 Horror Movies in 31 Days, Awesome Splattery Things, Not So Awesome Splattery Things, Splatteriffic Reviews
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Posted by Amie on July 17, 2014

https://ilovesplatter.com/2014/07/17/31-horror-movies-in-31-days-ish/

The Babadook

babadookimage01{tentative release date: October 2014}

Holycrap, you guys. HOLYCRAP. I was not prepared for how awesome this Australian horror film would be. I mean, how scary can another spin on The Boogeyman actually be, right? The answer, though, is REALLY F’ING SCARY. The basics: grieving mom, out-of-control son, creepy book, unleashed creature, possession, and some really amazing imagery.

The Babadook is a non-stop ball of tension from beginning to end, the acting is freaking amazing, the creature F/X are great. I can’t even express how surprised I was by this movie, and how utterly terrified I was while watching it. Bonus: The Babadook pop-up book featured in the film is so goddamn cool! I hear the filmmakers are considering a kickstarter to produce it for real, and I am prepared to throw my money at them as soon as they do.

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by Amie on June 16, 2014  •  Permalink
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Posted by Amie on June 16, 2014

https://ilovesplatter.com/2014/06/16/the-babadook/

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