1297588852068_ORIGINAL{cross-posted to Three Imaginary Girls}

A horror movie from Kevin Smith? Based on one of his smodcasts? About a guy who lures unsuspecting victims to his home in order to turn them into … walruses?

Yup. Tusk is all of those things. And while the premise IS ridiculous, the first two-thirds are actually pretty terrifying, and then it all falls apart thanks to a cameo by a high-profile star who really, really, really loves to wear fake noses and adopt funny accents.

At the start, we meet podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long). Wallace is kind of a douche; his “Not-see Party” podcasts are built around making fun of unfortunate souls on the internet—like a boy who cuts his own leg off with a sword—in which he travels to meet them in person and then comes back home, describing his adventures to his podcasting buddy, Teddy Craft (Haley Joel Osment). (more…)


Junk Bonds: The Return of Junk Bucket

vlcsnap-2014-01-06-21h35m34s57 (1)

This is one of those rare instances where I’ve seen a sequel *before* I’ve seen the original, but in the case of this splatter-filled horror comedy, I think it’s fine. I’ll eventually get around to watching Stephen Lange’s first feature: Junkbucket—and based on its sequel: Junk Bonds: The Return of Junk Bunket, I’m sure I’ll like it just as much!

Writer and Director Lange uses his horror knowledge to drop some great tributes to classic splatter flicks, making this 2013 film feel like something that could have been made in the 70s or 80s … and I mean that in the most flattering way possible.

The story for Junk Bonds closely resembles 1974’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only instead of Leatherface, the Big Bad is Junkbucket: a man who’s got his own “junk” sewn to his face instead of a regular nose, wears his victim’s faces stretched over a bucket, and whose weapon of choice is a phallic axe/club combo. (more…)


Co-directed by Hatchet’s Adam Green and Joel David Moore (who also starred in Hatchet, and in this film), Spiral is one of those horror films I queued up on streaming Netflix because the trailer intrigued me.

The film focuses on Mason (Moore), a super socially-awkward misfit who seemingly spends his time becoming obsessed with girls and painting them over and over and over…and then, well. Something else.

Mason only has one friend, Berkely, who tries his best to help Mason overcome the trauma of watching his dad murder his mom (yikes) by giving him douchey dating advice.

Enter Amber (Amber Tamblyn), a nerdy but cute girl who somehow thinks Mason is worthy of talking to, and eventually dating. I guess she has a thing for sadsack weirdos, or something. As things progress, Mason ramps up the ook, and Amber starts to think that maybe she’s made a mistake.

I won’t ruin anything by giving away the ending, but it’s presented in a pretty interesting way. Though fans of hard resolution might not dig it…

It’s not terrible, but it’s not great either. Although I have to say that Moore’s performance is pretty awesome, particularly his way of unsettling you and making you feel sorry for him at the same time.

Recommended, even though the splatter is minimal and it’s more creepy, tense “ohmanwhatisgonnahappennext” terror than horror.